The Last Wishes of 3 West Indians

           Three Caribbean buddies were talking bout if they in they casket and friends and family are mourning over them, what they would like to hear them say 'bout them?

          The first fella say, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor, and a great family man."

          The second fella say, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who mek a huge difference in the children of tomorrow."

          The third fella say, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK DEY, HE MOVING!!!!!"

Author unknown

The Jamaican Ginnal

A Jamaican guy walks into a house in the red light district in New York and asks, "You have a girl work here from Jamaica name Marlene?" 
"Yes," answers the madam. "Go on up to Room 6." So the fellow went up to Room 6 and knocked on the door. When the woman answered, he asked "Yu name Marlene, don't it?" 

"Yeah man, a me dat," replied the woman. 
"Well, a have a couple Hundred dollas...." he proudly announced. 
With that, the hooker interrupted him, grabbed the money, opened the door wide and hauled him by the shirt into the room. After a little rest from the vigorous activity, the fellow got up to leave. "Will you be here tomorrow?" he asked. 
"Yeah Man," Marlene said, "Me will deh yah."

The next night, the fellow comes back and gives up $200. When they were done, he's sitting on the side of the bed, and asks. "Will you be here tomorrow night?" 
"Honey," replied the hooker, "Mi deh yah every night fi you".

Night comes and the fellow was back in action. When they were done, they are both sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Tell me sumthin'," Marlene said, "what part of Jamaica yu from?"
"Portmore," replied the fellow with a satisfied grin.
"True ? Me have one sister live inna Portmore yuh know!" the hooker exclaimed.

"I know dat," the fellow replied, "She gimme six hundred dollas fi gi yu!"

Author unknown

               Women Being More Assertive With Their Husbands

           At the 1997 World Women's conference the first speaker from England stood up: 

           "At last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands.  Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.  After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing but after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."  The crowd cheered. 

           The second speaker from America stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing.  But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well."  The crowd cheered. 

           The third speaker from Jamaica stood up: "Hafter last year's conference me went 'ome and tell me 'usband that mi would no longer do him cooking, cleaning or shoppin, and dat he would haffi do it imself. Hafter the first day me see nothin. Hafter the second day, me see nothin either. But hafter the third day, as the swelling went down, me could see a likkle bit outta me left eye.
 

Author unknown